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Hey Winner,

I was talking to a client the other day, and he wanted me to clarify something I had mentioned about “how to connect with women.”

Like many clients, he was hitting a wall after some early progress.

He knew how to banter with women and get them out on dates, but the dates themselves were stale.

It was usually one and done; occasionally there’d be a second date, but the end result was always the same. She “didn’t feel a spark” and would move on.

What puzzled him was that the women were interested at first; they’d often get a little physical with him.

But there was a lack of connection on her end, and he didn’t know why.

This is something not often discussed in dating circles.

Most dating advice focuses on mechanical PUA tactics or being clever and funny — you need to be interesting, quick on your feet, and keep her engaged. You need to move forward physically when you see a window.

There’s nothing wrong with developing these traits; they do make you better with women.

But many guys get stuck on the mental aspect of the game.

They are *thinking* about what to do or say, trying to “act upon her” to get her to respond a certain way, instead of being real and forming a connection.

So without further ado, here is how you form a connection with a woman:

a) Care about her and finding out who she really is. Genuinely.

b) Share who you really are… without shame.

I know this seems simple. It is.

But simple is not always easy.

The reality is many guys don’t even know what it means to “care” about a woman.

And they certainly don’t feel comfortable being open about themselves.

After all, vulnerability is often seen as weak.

But you need to understand that vulnerability isn’t a bad thing. What’s bad is the neediness and weakness that often come with it.

You can share about yourself without demanding validation or sympathy from her.

Indeed, if you want to run effective game on a woman, you should.

Vulnerability — after establishing some intrigue — makes you seem like a real person.

It makes a woman trust you and yes, feel connected to you.

Especially when she also feels like you want the real her… and you’re not settling for some superficial, generic explanation of herself.

Instead of asking if she “likes her work” — assuming this is the direction you want to take — ask her why she does her work.

Is it meaningful to her? What would she do ideally if she could? Then make an assumption or inference — what does this tell you about her?

Most guys are too lazy for this and run through mindless chit-chat that a woman will only accept if she’s looking for something no-strings-attached and there’s enough sexual tension that nobody cares anyway.

If you want to emotionally capture a woman, you need to go deeper. You need to open her up more — and be prepared to open up yourself as well.

But you won’t do this well if you’re not honest with yourself about your own problems.

Because you’ll be too full of pride.

And pride is what we cling to externally to compensate for shame we feel internally.

Rather than connect with a woman, you will try to impress her or hide from her. Because you need her to be impressed — or at least not ashamed — of you.

And you will lose her due to your walls.

If not then, years later — and you might lose your children too.

So if you have emotional blocks, you should probably try to change them.

They’re not only stopping you from connecting with women the way they crave, but they’re wasting huge amounts of your energy trying to keep a certain appearance.

But there is a right way and a wrong way to do this.

Do it the wrong way, and you might become overly emotional. I’ve seen this happen to many “tough guys” who suddenly feel the need to “talk about their feelings” all the time or express their “lived experience.”

I don’t want this to happen to you because it won’t make you happier and might make you even worse with women.

It will also make you annoying to other men.

But you do need a safe space to express fears and shame.

Just one with a man who allows a "controlled demolition," so that we don’t lose the whole man, only the parts that no longer serve.

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See you on the other side 👇

-MOS