Your inner demons are killing your dating life

Yo Mate,

Let’s be honest for a moment.

Over the years, I’ve often focused on action as the key to dating success.

The advice has been simple: "Go out, approach women, fail, learn, and improve."

This approach works, and I still stand by it for most men.

But ignoring the deeper struggles some guys face would be unfair.

A lot of men are held back by internal issues that sabotage their progress before they even start.

But the thing is success in dating depends on many factors.

But if your mindset is holding you back, it doesn’t matter how much action you take—you’re going to hit walls.

• What shapes your mindset in dating?

• Your upbringing (religious or otherwise)

• Your relationship with your parents

• How your parents treated each other (Did they divorce? Were there affairs? Was there conflict?)

• Your experiences at school (bullying, acceptance, or rejection)

• Any instances of abuse (physical, emotional, or sexual)

• Your early experiences with women (or lack thereof)

These things directly impact:

1. How you see yourself.

2. How you see women.

3. How you see yourself in relation to others.

To improve your mindset and your dating life, you need to unpack and address these underlying issues.

My Story

Take my own experience, for example.

My parents divorced when I was 7.

My father got custody of me and my sister, and later remarried.

With a step-sister and another child added to the mix, the household became chaotic.

My stepmother was often frustrated with her life and took it out on us.

Arguments, yelling, and tension were constant. I never felt safe—mentally or emotionally.

Eventually, my dad and stepmother divorced too.

Growing up in such an environment didn’t give me the healthiest examples of relationships.

As a result, I became shy, anxious, and withdrawn.

Over time, I learned to overcome these traits through different methods (a story for another day), but I still struggle with commitment.

Call it avoidance or fear of intimacy—it’s been a hurdle in my longer-term relationships.

The Importance of Inner Work

Thankfully, I’ve had help along the way.

Mentors and the right advice from people I trust have been invaluable.

This inner work has directly improved my dating life.

For example, in my 20s and 30s, I was hitting bars and approaching women with decent results.

But it wasn’t until I worked through some of my deeper issues that things really changed.

I felt lighter, more playful, and less weighed down by my past.

And when you’re having fun, women sense it and they respond positively.

That’s why inner work is so critical.

Inner Game: The Missing Piece

Going forward, I plan to create more content about this. If it resonates with you, let me know—it could become a bigger focus.

Because here’s the truth: some men aren’t ready to dive in and approach hundreds of women right away. They need to address their mindset first.

If that sounds like you, feel free to reply and share your story.

I’d love to hear how these challenges have affected you.

Live the life you want, not the life you think you should.

Best,

-MOS